


Everything You Ever Wanted

by phantomthief_fee



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Angst, Existential Crisis, Multi, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), hlvrai multiplayer au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomthief_fee/pseuds/phantomthief_fee
Summary: All Gordon wanted was to not be alone.
Relationships: Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 207





	Everything You Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [getting high on humans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290701) by [sunlit_tea_leaves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlit_tea_leaves/pseuds/sunlit_tea_leaves). 



So, I’ve fallen in love with [@thecryptidcorvid](https://thecryptidcorvid.tumblr.com/)‘s [Multiplayer AU](https://thecryptidcorvid.tumblr.com/tagged/multiplayer-au) and wanted to write something for it. 

Also, this [animatic ](https://lvexpart.tumblr.com/post/618038522756104192/5132020-youtube-version-i-wanted-to-make-a)by [@lvexpart](https://lvexpart.tumblr.com/) gave me a lot of inspiration.

* * *

He wasn’t real.

It had been a shock when he’d finally put the pieces together, realized that he wasn’t a real person. All his thoughts and feelings...All his memories...They were all lies. Pre-programmed filler. 

None of it was real. Not him, not Black Mesa, not the soldiers, not the monsters, not the other scientists. 

But the others in his group were real people. Bubby, Coomer, Tommy, Darnold...Benrey...All of them were real people. They had real names, families, friends...An existence outside of the game. 

An existence outside of him.

Gordon was the only one in their group who **wasn’t** real.

All of a sudden, all their gestures toward him felt false.

Tommy’s kindness and many hugs.

Coomer’s supportive words.

Benrey’s awful awkward flirting.

Bubby’s...Actually, Bubby had never been nice to him.

Even their kind words after his breakdown now rang false. 

Had any of it been real? Had they ever really cared about him at all? Had they simply comforted him to avoid having to deal with an emotional NPC? Did they even see him as a **_person_**? Or was he just a curiosity? A toy to be played with? 

Whatever he was to them, he wasn’t enough to make them stay. He knew that without a doubt.

He had asked them outright if they would leave. None of them had answered. Not outright. There had been vague assurance, them talking circles around him. But they hadn’t answered. Which told him everything he needed to know. Once the group completed the game, they’d turn it off and move on. They’d...leave him behind. They’d all leave him behind.

He didn’t know what would happen when they turned off the game. Not if. When. Because they **would** turn it off. They **would** finish and they **would** shut down the game. 

And he’d be alone. Alone or dead or vanished or something like that. 

He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to vanish. He didn’t want any of the awful possibilities that had crossed his mind to come to pass. He was more scared than he’d ever been before and he knew he had to do **_something_**. 

Something to save him from his horrible fate.

Perhaps it wasn’t surprising he’d become the villain. 

He'd been so desperate to keep them with him. So desperate not to be alone. He’d been willing to do just about **_anything_** to keep the people he cared about around. 

He’d really fallen for Tommy and Benrey too, which made him even more desperate. 

Tommy was kind and compassionate, always picking up on unhappiness and doing his best to make the others feel better. To make Gordon feel better. He had been the first to reach out to Gordon after his little breakdown, hugging him even though Tommy couldn’t feel it. He was smart too, and definitely knew how to stand up for himself when the need arose. 

Benrey may have been annoying more often than not with their strange flirting and general fuckery, but it was clear from the quiet moments that they did genuinely care for Gordon. They always protected Gordon when he was in danger. They got worried when he didn’t seem to be doing well. They weren’t as outright with their concern as Tommy was, but it was clear they cared all the same.

He couldn’t bear to lose them. 

So, when they got to the final level, he asked them again. 

“You aren’t going to leave me, are you?”

Once again, their answers were nondescript. Vague. 

He could feel his rage building in his chest, tears building in his eyes. The glitch boxes began popping up once more, but they wouldn’t stop him this time. Even after everything they’d been through together, they were still going to leave him.

“Gordon, are you alright?” Coomer asked. 

The glitch boxes were more numerous than they’d ever been before. Usually, when there were this many, a reset was triggered. No reset was being triggered. The group all knew the signs. They all knew what Gordon’s resets looked like. This had none of the signs of a reset. 

Gordon was shaking, his head bent and his face in shadow. 

“Y̨ou͟'re ̴n͏ot̸ ͜leav̸i̡n͢g̴,” he said. His voice was distorted and had a dangerous edge to it. 

“dude, what’s goin’ on?” Benrey took a step toward him. “you’re acting weird.”

“You’re sc-scaring us,” Tommy agreed.

“Y͘ou͏ c̸a͘n't҉ ̢lȩa͡v̕e,” Gordon said. He lifted his head, revealing his face. The whites of his eyes had turned black as tears streamed down his cheeks. The glitch boxes were still popping up, continuously appearing and disappearing as Gordon’s shoulders heaved with barely contained sobs.

“What’re you gonna do? Keep us here?” Bubby demanded, folding his arms. Even as he said this, though, his voice held the faintest quiver of uncertainty.

“Y̕O̶̸̡U҉'̴͞R̷E͠ ̵N̶̡O͜T ̕L̡͟E͟Ą͝VI̷͞N͏̡G!” Gordon screamed.

The Science Team was knocked back by a massive gust of wind, their backs hitting the wall of the cave. They watched as Gordon grew to massive proportions, his hair freeing itself from its ponytail to float behind him as if he were underwater. 

“My God...” Coomer whispered, eyes going wide.

Bubby was reduced to stunned silence, opening and closing his mouth over and over. 

Tommy and Benrey instinctively moved closer to one another, taking each other’s hands.

Gordon had broken the code. He had the power now. He could keep them here. He could keep his friends with him forever. 

And yet...He wasn’t happy.

He felt no joy, no satisfaction. 

Looking down at the faces of the people he’d come to consider his friends twisted in fear...It hurt.

But what else was he supposed to do? If he let them go, they’d leave, beat the game, end the simulation. And then what would happen to him? 

He didn’t want to disappear.

If he just kept them here, it would be alright. Everything would be fine.

Everything **had** to be fine. 

...Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Go check out @thecryptidcorvid's art on Tumblr and the fic. Both are great


End file.
